“How are you?” “Fine, thanks.” We say it many times a week. Often it is true enough. Sometimes it is the fastest way to end the question.
Why we say it
We say we are fine because we do not want to worry people. Because the moment is not right. Because we are not sure the other person really wants to know. And sometimes because we do not know how we are, and “fine” is the easiest word.
Many people also learned early that being fine was their job. They were the strong one, the easy child, the person others lean on. It is hard to stop.
What it costs
Saying “fine” is not a problem in itself. It becomes heavy when it is the only answer you give, to everyone, including yourself.
Then the people close to you do not know what is happening. They cannot help, and you feel more alone. With time, you may also lose contact with what you feel. You are functioning, and you are far from yourself.
Something more true
You do not need to tell everything to everyone. You can start small. Choose one person you trust. Instead of “fine”, try one true sentence. “I’m tired this week.” “Honestly, it has been a difficult month.” Then see what happens.
You can also ask yourself the question, and wait for a real answer. How am I, today?
Counselling is one place where “fine” is not needed. You can arrive without knowing how you are. We find the words together, at your pace.
These reflections are general information. They do not replace personal counselling or medical advice.
